zombies totally suck.

sorry. but thanks for listening. it helps a bit.

i’ll try this again 2moro. maybe they’ll all dry up by then and blow away. or at least sober up. i’d say, maybe, grow up, but no, that’s way too much to ever expect from this bunch.

zombies totally suck.

bob, however, is an eternally cool dude.

even needing color correction. i can see that, can’t see well enuf to fix it. maybe later. g’nitie.

happy whatchacallit

thingi. ism. more on which later. sometime. stay tuned.

in.

not out, that didn’ work all that well, did it?

happy happy…

everything. including rollover into the new year. mine is lookin’ way good so far.

and busy. so far…

010208 2:00 pm – intake, history and all that, for the spinal doc dude. but no actual doctor contact. i’ll give them the report on last year’s lumbar mri. but more in a bit on that.

010308 2:00pm – echocardiogram & nuclear med stress test.

010808 2:00pm – actual doctor contact with the spinal dude. we can also discuss the report of year old imaging. but. we may reschedule. because next…

010808 5:45pm – mri imaging, brain and lumbar spine. and they send a taxi to pick me up. then give me valium. not claustrophobic, i just get a bit restless in the tube. sometimes.

011508 12:30pm – nerve conduction study and electromyogram. i don’t remember whether this is for arms or legs.

011708 12:30pm – whichever, this is the other.

020608 11:30am – 24 hour eeg. or should that be eek!? 24 hours walking around (or whatever) with tiny wires attached to tiny electroded recording the tiny (or whatever) electrical signals coming out of by brain. be fun if we could convert ’em to audio and work ’em into something musical. i’ll ask (if i remember). they’ll prolly think i’m weird. that’d be different, eh?

021408 3:00pm – new rheumatologist. finally. pretty certainly a swift return to enbrel.

so, better and better all the time. never had so much health care, and everyone, so far, seems professional and competent. not to mention, my neurologist is a babe! like to see her in some cheap clothing! oops. sorry. distracted by the pain. where were we?

ya know how, sometimes, folks just don’t seem to listen to ya? i’ve explained to him many times, yes, it’s good to share with other cats, yes it’s fine to be mr. deferential and sit back quietly while others feast. only, not with birds at the cat food dish. (ya’d think just the name of it would be a bit of a discouragement for them. wouldn’ ya?). anyway, the birds have their own dish, plusalso surprises in the tree crotch and several daily toss feedings…

anyway it’s nearly next year so, um, not sure what difference that makes, really. hmm. but like i said, it’s gonna be good. good a’ready. stay cool, stay happy, stay away from zombies.

i woke up this morning

which is good, of course. and pretty much according to plan. wasn’t all thrilled about the sensations my body was experiencing at that time though. you know how nerves are, right? they don’t care about body reality, when they get confused, or annoyed, they make the body, experienced as pain, fit their definition. they can make a thumb 20, 30, 40 feet long.

or they can make a leg, hip to big toe tip, 18 inches long, and being pulled shorter. very effective wake up call, but hard to stand on. harder to walk on. but i’ve had practice, so… only needed about an hour to sorta normalize that. and only needed about 12 hours of awakeness to get to this point of thinking i could put together enuf words that appeared as if they might actually belong in the same sequences to make a readable informative post here about this day and these days and the days to come and their accompanying activities, but…

did i mention the zombies? maybe not here before, eh. ok. i live with zombies. somewhat sucks, but at least they come with walls, and a roof, and running water, etc. so, not so totally bad. still, zombies are zombies. they live by consuming the energy of humans. today the zombies have been drinking. causes them to consume energy at a way increased rate. ‘s’ok. i shall be released. eventually. ok, take a break. randomish.

um, ok, break time here too really. big day tomorrow, which is actually today. i mentioned back a bit about the new doc and the specialist referrals. gotta be at the neuro place in 12 hours. cardiologist is next week and the spine guy at beginning of january. so, um, …what. i dunno. sleep on it maybe.

the zombies have passed out. big relief that. but they’ll prolly be back at it early morning, so…

g’nitie.

screwed up day

but it’s done now

and the new day, of course, is bound to be better. bound to be. that’s why we have them. or, sumthin’ like that. fairly similar.

bob on a branch, briefly

been a bit breezy here lately.

*

bob on a quest. if you’ve been around me for awhile, i’m sure you’ll recognize the concept.

*

and 1 (one) more thought thingi.

something to sleep on, so to speak.

eats like a bird

which begins to explain where the cat food was goin’ so fast.

bob is a great-tailed grackle dude. he has family, but seems to enjoy a little time w the boys, hangin’ w me n pancho. and food bits, of course.

leaves are variable. they’re losing green, and falling, but slowly. should speed up soon tho, nights are gettin’ cold. like, near freezing already.

just a thought. … saw a/seen by a new doc today. this one may be a keeper. may be. she’s promised the (finally!) referral to rheumatologist, so i can get some serious relief w the arthritis stuff. and one to neurologist. and cardiologist. and the one she was most way concerned with, which means i’m prolly gonna have to make the decision soon about back surgery or not. she seemed to think that walking is a very short term thing without it. but, she’s young. walking has been a rare experience so far this year, but i don’t expect to give it up any time soon.

whatever. i’m gonna sleep on it all. g’nitie.

jus’ to say he was here

it’s a strange moment. a hard to explain strange moment. much to do. much desire to do much. as ever. but so little energy and so much drain. so little mental clarity and so much drain. as has become the current constant state.

but, how to say, expectation of accomplishment of something is running way high. based on nothing rational that i can see. just desperation, maybe.

anywayshow, (huh, forgot what i was gonna say, remembered, forgot…) oh, got project concepts in my head, and on bits n scraps of paper. some musical, which leads to this video bit which is spazzed beyond… beyondness…but that’s ok cos i really just wanna use the sound. usta know how to strip that out. prolly can figure it out again. prolly. sometime. somehow.

so, ok,, i was here, i dropped this little vid thing which hopefully will load n play for whoever might wander by. soon. nitie now.

october

maybe won’t be so bad after all. i was a bit worried ’bout a surge in the neuro type pain experience, but that hasn’t happened yet so i don’t think it will. that level has even dropped some, i think, or maybe it’s just not so noticeable under the ra pain, which really needs some attending to. appointment regarding that and all the other health type issues coming soon. but

i usta say the pain and various dysfunctions of the body were not a major concern, would be no concern at all if i had full and proper use of brain. if i could do the thinking/performing intellectual stuff like normal people, i’d accept that as good enuf and not sweat a little physical discomfort. so to speak.

maybe. whatever. i kinda lost track of exactly where i was goin there. which may be where i was goin’. it’s october. the brain is experiencing some exacerbated loss of performance capabilities.

maybe (seems to be some kind of recurring theme there. seems to be.), maybe i’ll come back on some other day and make an effort at explaining… something. not right now. took me 16 hours of sitting around wasting time (and working w pain relief processes, including tolerance and patience) to get to this little bit of function. noe i’m gonna go to bed for four or five hours then get up and repeat.

oh, right, also, the original point of tonight’s exercise, in one compact little nugget, just to mention that it’s ooctober, kim’s intellect is taking a break somewhere, but expected to return, um, sometime. prolly soonish.

maybe.

functional stupidity

and all the related stuff. or, ya know, as much of it as we can remember and stay focused on long enough to, ahh, do whatever it is we seem to think we may be intending to maybe attempt to do here. visual hint clue thingi.

crappy fotos, yes, but that’s relevant. goshgollydarnit, i’d like to put some organization on this, and give it some depth but all that’s not happening right now. so, we’re still rambling, barely scraping the surface.

the 7th grade functional stupidity was temporary. sort of. by december i was doing ok again with school work. but not as ok as before. it continued ok for a few years. somewhere in there, also, i realized that i no longer had the drawing and painting skills that had been there just a few years earlier. lack of communication between eye and hand maybe. or eye and brain. brain and hand? all of those and more?

and did i ever mention fatigue?

anyway, yeah, life went on. i prolly haven’t clearly explained functional stupidity. i prolly can’t. i don’t think you can understand it if you haven’t had it. and it’s not just the crisis periods, though those are highlights. lowlights. more easily recognized than the long spiral of decay that follows. so, i’m not gonna try explain. bad stuff happened in october of 1955.

same thing happened in october of 1959. the generally accepted term for the intellectual devastation part is cognitive difficulties. the generally acepted terms for the pain and fatigue are pain and fatigue. the general practice of medical professionals has been to deny the existence of any physiological problem and give it one psychological or psychiatric label or another. been thru enuf of those.

there are medical tests available. if one can get a medical professional to order them. finally won a couple of those battles last year. mri of brain and lumbar spine. some big clues in there, but not enuf time to try to deal w them in michigan, bein’ somewhat distracted w the big relocation n all. and, in october of 2006…well. i didn’t get dumber this time, but the fatigue and pain got really rough. i did a pretty good denial thing though, long enuf to get here.

ok, i haven’t established anything here, haven’t presented either evidence or anecdote to clearly show…well, anything. but that in itself speaks.

a’right, nuff unfocused blather. going for the focused blather now. i think you can see, in the hand fotos, what i was trying to do. three fingers straight up, thumb on pinky close to the palm. my difficulty with it isn’t from the arthritis. and the left hand wasn’t that bad til mid-may, when the left arm went numb for a week. most of it has improved,but the hand is still way weird.

so is life. overall, the medical care i’ve received here has been great. for reasons that don’t need exploring here, though, the testing and diagnosing process is not moving as fast as one might wish. that is expected to improve soon.

meantime, my primary care medical professional is in agreement that i have a systemic neurological disorder. whether this thing is ms, or just something that has all the same symptoms (including functional stupidity), will have to wait for testing.

anyway, this is not something to feel bad about. i’ve lived with it for half a century. without any kind of treatment. there are some good meds now that can slow the progress of ms. um,as there are for ra. gotta get back on those too.

i think my point here was just to explain why posts here are so rare. i want to do daily, but usually there isn’t energy, or mental clarity. or i just can’t see well enuf thru the double vision and blur. alll those things are fixable, recoverable. they might even all spontaneously self heal at any moment. so, we;ll get back to normal, or better, sometime. soonish, we hope.

on my emotional state, ’cause some people locally keep expressing concern.

my emotional state is fine. i’m prolly the least depressed person in the western hemisphere.

questions on detail or whatever on any of this are absolutely welcomed.

now i’m gonna go play w my pal pancho. stay cool, eh.