might. be. the last. time. i don’t know.

well, for awhile. maybe. i dunno. heidi, said they’ll prolly take down the network 2moro morning, in prep for packing everything (pretty much) away prep for leaving (sigh and all like that) sunday morning. sucky. there is so much to be said and i’m feelin’ like almost able to say some of it and… then agin, some might say some things are better best left unsaid, unimagined even. i think this is gonna be good when it gets around to gettin’ itself done,and maybe it shouldn’t be mentioned at this stage but, ya know, when yer not doin anything, the temptation to point to even weak ideas that you’ve almost made a beginning with can be…um…rather strong. anyway, i think this is a strong idea, it’s been on hold, lounging in my brain, undiscussed for a long time, so, i got this little bit of a beginning, if ya’d care to scamper over and make any sort of comment (including wthf if that’s what it inspires)… …where was i?

oh, yeah, ok, so i was gonna comment, w link to, a nyt article about one of the hotel-casino companies spending huge amounts of money buying new york city art for one of their ridiculous new properties. the article seemed to based on the twin idiot assumptions that there are no working artists (of international stature) in las vegas (no, i mean artist as in artist, ya know? not michael and celine.) what? oh, right. the other idiot assumption bein’ that this town is driven by, centered on, the strip. lol. so to speak. las vegas is driven by, centered on, walmart. just like the rest of america. the world, you say? whatever. it was a totally dumbass article. about a totally dumbass company and some totally dumbass ideas about art. hey, don’t blame me, ok. i loaned bill buckley my vocabulary decades ago, and now he’s died without returning it. cripers

whatever. more, i s’pose, whenever. should ya visit the above linked kitteh, yes, the survey is serious. sorta. responses ‘preciated. g’nitie. see ya soonish.

a funny thing happened on my way to the trainwreck.

maybe 2moro. for now i’m tired and spaced. here, try these.

anyway, said trainwreck seems to have been cancelled. so it sometimes goes. g’nitie.

happy happy…

everything. including rollover into the new year. mine is lookin’ way good so far.

and busy. so far…

010208 2:00 pm – intake, history and all that, for the spinal doc dude. but no actual doctor contact. i’ll give them the report on last year’s lumbar mri. but more in a bit on that.

010308 2:00pm – echocardiogram & nuclear med stress test.

010808 2:00pm – actual doctor contact with the spinal dude. we can also discuss the report of year old imaging. but. we may reschedule. because next…

010808 5:45pm – mri imaging, brain and lumbar spine. and they send a taxi to pick me up. then give me valium. not claustrophobic, i just get a bit restless in the tube. sometimes.

011508 12:30pm – nerve conduction study and electromyogram. i don’t remember whether this is for arms or legs.

011708 12:30pm – whichever, this is the other.

020608 11:30am – 24 hour eeg. or should that be eek!? 24 hours walking around (or whatever) with tiny wires attached to tiny electroded recording the tiny (or whatever) electrical signals coming out of by brain. be fun if we could convert ’em to audio and work ’em into something musical. i’ll ask (if i remember). they’ll prolly think i’m weird. that’d be different, eh?

021408 3:00pm – new rheumatologist. finally. pretty certainly a swift return to enbrel.

so, better and better all the time. never had so much health care, and everyone, so far, seems professional and competent. not to mention, my neurologist is a babe! like to see her in some cheap clothing! oops. sorry. distracted by the pain. where were we?

ya know how, sometimes, folks just don’t seem to listen to ya? i’ve explained to him many times, yes, it’s good to share with other cats, yes it’s fine to be mr. deferential and sit back quietly while others feast. only, not with birds at the cat food dish. (ya’d think just the name of it would be a bit of a discouragement for them. wouldn’ ya?). anyway, the birds have their own dish, plusalso surprises in the tree crotch and several daily toss feedings…

anyway it’s nearly next year so, um, not sure what difference that makes, really. hmm. but like i said, it’s gonna be good. good a’ready. stay cool, stay happy, stay away from zombies.

i woke up this morning

which is good, of course. and pretty much according to plan. wasn’t all thrilled about the sensations my body was experiencing at that time though. you know how nerves are, right? they don’t care about body reality, when they get confused, or annoyed, they make the body, experienced as pain, fit their definition. they can make a thumb 20, 30, 40 feet long.

or they can make a leg, hip to big toe tip, 18 inches long, and being pulled shorter. very effective wake up call, but hard to stand on. harder to walk on. but i’ve had practice, so… only needed about an hour to sorta normalize that. and only needed about 12 hours of awakeness to get to this point of thinking i could put together enuf words that appeared as if they might actually belong in the same sequences to make a readable informative post here about this day and these days and the days to come and their accompanying activities, but…

did i mention the zombies? maybe not here before, eh. ok. i live with zombies. somewhat sucks, but at least they come with walls, and a roof, and running water, etc. so, not so totally bad. still, zombies are zombies. they live by consuming the energy of humans. today the zombies have been drinking. causes them to consume energy at a way increased rate. ‘s’ok. i shall be released. eventually. ok, take a break. randomish.

um, ok, break time here too really. big day tomorrow, which is actually today. i mentioned back a bit about the new doc and the specialist referrals. gotta be at the neuro place in 12 hours. cardiologist is next week and the spine guy at beginning of january. so, um, …what. i dunno. sleep on it maybe.

the zombies have passed out. big relief that. but they’ll prolly be back at it early morning, so…

g’nitie.

screwed up day

but it’s done now

and the new day, of course, is bound to be better. bound to be. that’s why we have them. or, sumthin’ like that. fairly similar.

this will ramble

’cause i’m not near ready. but it needs to be done.

if i had the local human resources i could face to face on the issues of the moment in my life if i could get around as well as a year ago, i could sort thru stuff, organize, so to speak, more or less,, my mental files, discarding the duplicates and the garbage and come to this page with that something resembling a reasonable facsimilile of coherence and order but …. i know two, maybe three people here who could serve this need fairly well. one has his own legitimate concerns which causes him to have fear of getting too close to my concerns. which concerns he has total misconception about. but he’s cool. prolly saved my life, so i can’t complain. another is just too massively thinly spread out with her own projects. and the answer to a prayer girl is, um, well… she does have good days….haven’t seen her for awhile though.

so.

some days later.

10.50pm. i have social security hearing at 9:15am tomorrow. that meeans up at 6 and pray i can get semi-functional by the time my ride gets here at, we hope, 8:30. this is a first judicial hearing on my first appeal of the claim that i made two years ago last july. i have a bit of new info since then, we’ll see what happens with it all.

if yer in the u s of a yer listenin’ to slacker .com, right? why not?

ok, so divin’ right in. i wanted to do a long, clear, detailed, witty post here but it doesn’t seem to be coming so we’ll do a just the facts, maybe, mostly.

i haven’t been well since i got here. slightly misleading statement, but what i told myself for several months. i haven’t been well since…well, there’s a question there. but things (hah, things! my body and brain.) took a bit of a large turn for the worse last october. there’s tradition to that. we’ll get to it. anyway, this happened about the same time i made the decision that i’d move here in december. acknowledging what was going on would have suggested that moving, at that time, was unwise. so i did the denial thing. i have lots of forced practice, going back more than 50 years.

that history, what i can recall of, goes back to 7th grade, 1955. that was my first experience of functional stupidity. if i could remember how i’d put a subscript “tm” on that. maybe later. just ecstatic right now that i could remember the word. i had to work, though, to pull up ecstatic. which reminded me that, just before the recent browser crash, i had been thinking of using “rapturous” at tbd.com. you’re there right? why not? social networking for adults, they say. some good people there (me for one), and it might turn into as cool a product as they say. one problem they have right now is some really unfortunate limits on image posting size and format.

also, i’m thinkin’ that wordpress.com may be as big a piece of crap as blogger. may be.

but, we were at “functional stupidity”, right? which is different from the stupid behavior that comes out of my idiot housemates. can’t deal w any more o that right now. i’ll try to finish this tomorrow.

actually, i think i’ll do a pablo and post this bit. might make it easier to finish. might not. we’ll see.

one day later.  seems i didn’t do that.  did i mention fatigue?  maybe now.  maybe.

well, i really dunno, ya know? no, no,

really.

just another rainy day in the desert. ok, not rainy rainy. in the past 2 days the rain i’ve experienced has prolly totaled about, oh, say, 37 drops. more or less. but they’ve been mostly fully cloudy days, with relative humidity ranging up to 50%. um, little more than, even. but this is coupled with temperature drops. didn’t even hit 100 today,and last night’s low was 76. hadn’t been that cold for well over a month. today was an amusing sequence of alternating hot and cool winds.

ooh, wait! it’s actually raining. like, everything outside is all wet and stuff. gotta go look at this for a minute. …ok, not all that exciting. just, kinda different. and cool that i don’t have massive pain and fatigue from the humidity and the lowered pressure. well, i do have massive pain and fatigue, (and diminished compositional skills), but all that’s been there all along. think i know why now. more on that later. sometime. soonish.

did i mention that i’m tired now? no? ok, i’m tired now. um, have to leave one of these though, right?

and to all a g’nitie. thingi.